Anyone who is involved in court proceedings knows what impact those court proceedings have on children.
Divorce happens, it is a fact of life. People move on and in most cases parents are quite capable of minimizing the impact on children, by acting like normal people, who can put children ahead of a desire to harm the other person.
In some cases that is not possible as there is a high conflict situation usually escalated by a court that prefers to pit parents against each other in a malicious game. In those instances it is not unusual to have children used as tools and weapons against the other parent, where children are literally brainwashed against the other parent. Some of the detrimental behavior that children are exposed to has a significant long term impact on children and includes the following:
Refusing to allow a child to engage in activities with the other parent and deliberately negatively colors any experience the child has with the other parent.
Limits phone or email usage deliberately preventing any contact.
Encouraging children to call the other parent by their first name.
Interrogating children once they return from the other parent’s home.
Holds resentment towards you in front of the children and exhibits derogatory and abusive behavior in front of children.
Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being.
Labels themselves the “good” parent; label you the “bad” parent.
Tells the child false stories about their childhood.
Tells the child how he or she was victimized by you and your actions (while taking no blame at all for the divorce).
Teaches the child how to lie to you and to steal from you and encourages them to report back on anything occurring in your household.
Diminishes your extended family’s worth.
Says to you words like, “I always encourage her to see you;” “I’ve never told him you’re a jerk” while actually doing the precise opposite.
Neglects to have the child call you for your birthday, on New Year’s Eve, or other important dates.
Refuses to help the child reach and call/email/mail cards on relatives’ birthdays on your side of the family tree.
Uses a cellphone as a leash while the child is with you.
Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them.
Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child.
Attempts to reduce contact to that even below family court minimum standards and attempts to negatively control all contact.
Takes the child out of the area without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them.
Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone.
Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, another child etc– as more important than time with you.
Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a “threat”).
Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it.
Uses the children as an adult companion and discusses adult topics with them.
Has severely emotional outbursts around the children.
It does not take a rocket scientist to determine that the long term impact on children exposed to the above behavior will affect their adult relationships. Children can’t but help share the brainwashing parent’s beliefs and contempt. It’s hatred that’s been taught and modeled to the child, and instilled in their very core.